Gender in Rwanda

There are differences between girls and boys.  I'll give you that.  There are differences between people who like girls, people who like boys and people who like both sexes.  But do those differences have to translate into discrimination and differences in self worth or importance?

I don't claim to be a gender issue expert.  I'm not, nor am I particularly steeped in the politics or philosophical issues surrounding gender.  However, after being part of a women empowered, gender bending performance group for 5 years, I have picked up some sensitivities towards theses issues.  It would be hard to not pick up on these issues if you lived in East Vancouver for any length of time.

Target for ASYV Science Centre Egg Drop Competition

In Rwanda, it's different than Calgary, East Van, Cortes Island, Salt Spring Island, Kingston, Whistler, Pemberton, Portland, Seattle... In some ways for the better.  For example, Rwandan people are extremely affectionate.  Hand holding does not mean that you are boyfriend/girlfriend.  Cuddling and hand holding happen between any gender here.  You will see two grown men walking hand in hand or hugging each other on the streets here.  In North America, I'm not sure if many teenage boys have any physical interactions with their friends besides beating each other up.  This is partly due to the fact that being a teenager is awkward and you are always trying to be cool- and being a lone wolf in North America is somehow cool.

The other part is gender issues. Most teenagers are sexually insecure and raging with hormones.  In North American society where, except for some progressive schools, cities and communities, being gay is still not universally accepted.  In Canada we have gay marriage, but in the USA there are many, many States in which being gay is very scary. Even in Canada, I'm sure there are places where being gay can be very scary. That is why affection between same sex friends is not generally shown.

So what does this mean for Rwanda?  Well, unfortunately it does not mean that Rwandans have accepted gays and lesbians. A Rwandan told me that the whole point of being a successful Rwandan is to get married and have kids.  Being gay just is not an option. So hence why two girls or two boys holding hands is just being affectionate and friends.  I'm not sure if anyone here even thinks of the possibility of different sexual orientations.

Opening the egg box...

In many ways, the empowerment of women (feminism) and the empowerment of gays/lesbians is the same fight.  The fight to be free of gender roles, to be free to live and work in society with out judgment of discrimination because of their gender or sexual orientation.

What about Rwandan women? First of all, in Rwanda mamas are very well respected.  In the village, mama's word is the law.  Rwanda is very hierarchical, so generally they respect their elders (in some ways Rwanda feels like is has a caste system with differences in wealth and social power).  So whether the teenagers respect the mamas because they are their elders, or because they are amazing women, I'm not sure.

On the other hand, boys perform better in almost all subjects and sports than girls at ASYV.  I don't buy that boys are smarter than girls.  So either ASYV needs to improve its ability to empower the girls*, or Rwandan girls are socialized to have different attitudes/motivation than boys, or maybe a bit both.

* to be fair, ASYV takes in more girls than boys.  Although all students at ASYV are vulnerable orphaned youth, girls can be in more vulnerable situations than boys because of their physical stature and the risk of forced sexual violence.  In every grade there are  5 families of girls and 3 families of boys.

For example, we have been trying to have the first girls football (soccer) team at ASYV this year.  My co-coach and I are both feisty North American women who have a low tolerance for sexual discrimination.  We come from an experience that if you wanted to be on a good sports team in school or in clubs, you had to try out, work hard, and be committed.  Here, although a 2-3 are really committed, most of our team is absent and lazy.  Some could be really great players if they were committed.  The girls always have excuses like they are sick or they have a headache.  One or two I could believe, but 80% of the team, every week?  When they do come to practice, they sit down and complain when they have to run.

Opening the egg box....

When the boys team comes to practice after us, it's like night and day.  They all show up, they show up on time, they practice hard, they don't complain, they are eager to improve their skills.

In school it is the same thing.  Boys always participate in class conversations, whereas girls hardly talk.  Boys generally have better English skills than the girls (this could be a chicken and an egg issue). 

All the families choose names of heroes that they want their family to be named after. Out of 32 families, only 7 are women.  When we were in the process of choosing the name for our family, I asked why they didn't want to choose a woman.  The girls said 'we don't want to be the girls of a woman'.... as if this would be a great insult.  Granted, some have psychological issues with their moms who maybe they never knew, abandoned them or were negligent... but still to have such a strong hate on for women?  Where does this come from?
 
So what gives Rwanda?  To have such strong, respected mamas, such open affection between people and yet I feel like the girls are falling behind in every way.  Maybe ASYV is a place for them to be safe, heal and learn for four years and then they will go on to get married and become awesome mamas.  That is great.  I fully support that.  Because people that are healthy and whole will do more for the society than vulnerable, hurt and broken people.

The only thing is, their words betray them. If you ask them what they want to do after ASYV they will say I want to be a business woman, a doctor, go to university, work at a bank, be a journalist, be a lawyer etc.  But where is your motivation today to get you there?  They have a maxim here that says ' if you see far you will go far'.  Where are you going girls of ASYV? And how are you going to get there?

Success!!

*Disclaimer- there are also some really, really, really amazing girls at ASYV that are motivated, strong and smart.  And all girls at ASYV are special and fantastic in their own way.  This blog is how I see gender in general in Rwanda, and in ASYV on a more general level.

Pop Culture Fail

For the last week all of the cousins, with help from four ESL teachers from Canada and the States, have been teaching English to the new students.  Between all the lesson planning, teaching, meetings and other responsibilities there has been very little room to breathe. However, the teaching has been pretty fun and a good way to get to know some of the kids outside your core family group.

One of the most challenging parts of teaching this week was to get the girls to talk and participate. In general, the Rwandan girls that have arrived for the first time at the Village are soft spoken, demure and shy.  When you ask them their name you can barely hear them reply.  This is also true of some of the boys, but they are generally a bit more outspoken and willing to speak in  English. It is difficult as a teacher to gage if they understand or not if there is no feedback.  Gradually over the week, my co-teacher and I managed to coax them little by little out of their shells so that we could actually have some decent conversations, games, presentations and exercises.

This is also true of the girls in my family. As they have been getting to know their sisters, they turn into chatty, giggly teenage girls.  Which is great, because I have actually been able to have a some fun conversations with them.  All the students are curious, but the questions I get the most are: 'Do you have parents?' and 'Do you have children? or How many children do you have?'.

The first is one that you would not typically get in a North American context.  It is more like 'Are your parents still together, What are there names, What do they do?'  something like that.  In Rwanda, and especially with these kids- who are mostly orphans, having parents (that are still alive, or that they know) is a rareity rather than the norm.  It's startling.  I expected when I came to Africa to feel some sense of having been born into extraordinary riches- merely by the fact that I come from Canada, a generally peaceful country with good education and health care.  I did not expect to feel rich or lucky for the fact that I have parents that have cared for me and taught me all my life.  Although, if I really examine the idea of having parents, it is probably one of the best things you can have in your life- loving parents.  When I say I have two parents, they kids look at me like I have won the lottery.

The second question is also not super typical in a western context to someone in their late twenties.  Part of it is that Canada does not have a very high birth rate compared to Rwanda, and also many Canadian women now have their first child from late twenties to mid thirties.   It also seems funny because there is no question of having or not having children in their minds- just how many.  Mostly my answer is: "I have no children, because otherwise I could not be in Rwanda at the Village with you for a year."

My favourite question so far has been (with a very serious face) 'Melissa, Do vampires exist?'  I had a whole bunch of very interesting question that night about conspiracy of the pyramid sign on the American dollar, mummies and Rambo movies... as if they had been saving all the questions they had ever wanted to ask a westerner.  Amazing!


The other questions I've been asked recently have been 'Melissa, tell us about Drake, Rhiannon, Shakira, Justin Bieber etc etc'.  Now for those of you who know me- know that I am more of an eccentric type of music listener than the mainstream.  (with exceptions of course!)  Some of you might recall a story about a time when I met Swollen Members (a somewhat popular rap/rock band in Canada) and told them I had no idea who they were- and didn't listen to commercial radio.  (harsh, I know).

So I told my girls the little that I knew about Justin Bieber and the likes, but it wasn't very much.  I said, I know about Michael Jackson and Bob Marley, and their response was 'they are both dead'.  i.e  Melissa, you are old- and listen to old music, get with the program.  (On a side note, I did play some Bob Marley in English class to learn some lyrics and some of the boys LOVED it!)

That's all for now- I've got to go study up on pop culture before my girls grill me again :)